January 20, 2009

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Seriously, what is your biggest fear?  I have had something on my mind lately so this post will be a little deeper than most of the recent ones.  I will be the first to admit, I am scared of a lot of ridiculous  things.  Everything from spiders, to snakes, to clowns (hate them).  But there is one thing that creeps into me that I can't get over...the thought of losing my husband. 

 I have written this before but I will say it again - there a lot of things I want in life (nice house, nice car, nice clothes, good job) but Drew is something I honestly need.  I know you can't go through your whole life worrying about things that you have no control over but this one specific fear often gets the best of me.  When you marry someone they should be your best friend and you should be able to overlook all of their faults and shortcomings to see what they are truly made of.  DP is all of this for me and it almost brings me to tears every time my mind leads me back to the fear of losing him.  I can't explain it so I hope that those of you who are married or have someone that you love very much (family member, friend, whoever) know what I am trying to say.  For me, this is the most unimaginable hurt that I hope I never have to experience.  In spite of all of this, I hope none of you ever hold back on loving someone.  Sometimes you love someone for the wrong reasons or at the wrong time, but it will make all the difference if you just do it anyway.  A lot of the time it won't work out and sometimes you will get your heart broken but trust me, in the end you will be so thankful for every experience in your life (good and bad).  I honestly believe in this.  I also know that many people who might read this will disagree with me, and that too, is so OK with me.  Love is different for everyone but this is the way it is for me.

My prayer is that I will put this in God's hands because I absolutely know that I am not in control of it.  It feels good to be honest even if no one really cares what you have to say.  Go out there and love today!


Anonymous said...

I'm the same way. It freaks me out to think about losing sweet Dimples or my mama and daddy. My heart stops a beat or two whenever I think about that. Conversely, when I think about my own mortality, I draw a blank. I have no idea how to conceptualize that.

I know you said that you let go and let God, but living each day as if it were your last would also allow you to enjoy your time with DP more. I need to be more mindful of that, too!

Good Gals Inc said...

I have a huge fear of free falling. Like The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror at Disney World is my worst nightmare!!!

I also have a deeper fear of not figuring out what I'm suppose to do with my life, but thats a whole other issue!!

Mommy In Pink said...

Great Post! I couldn't imagine losing my husband..I'd just die..honestly! And Clowns scare the crap out of me, oh yea...and Porcelin dolls too with there eyes that follow you wherever you go..Ick!

Supersalwa said...

I find it too terrifying a thought, to contemplate too closely - the thought of losing someone you love romantically or otherwise.

I'd much rather think about my irrational fear of spiders!

(Found your blog through Marissa's A Shared Journey...hope you don't mind :) )

Kelly Marie said...

My biggest fear? Failure. I am also so, so afraid that I will get so caught up in being afraid to fail that I will just let my whole life pass me by and never have fun. And be alone while doing this.

On a lighter not...I am afraid of the dark, and bugs. haha!

Great, great post.

Kelly Marie said...

P.S. that show Are You Afraid of the Dark scared me to death when I was little. ha-ha

Em said...

Clowns are one of the scariest things EVER!!!

However... my biggest, ultimate fear is losing my husband. My life would be so incomplete I'm not sure I could keep living. I can't even stand the thought.

James said...

From a guys perspective I have the same fear about losing my wife. Every now and then when she leaves the house to go to work i'll get that soul destroying thought pop into my head of 'what if something happens to her, I should be with her to protect her and keep her safe'

of course this is just crazy talk but i guess when you love someone so deeply you can't help yourself sometimes


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I think my biggest fear is not finding "the one." I grew up in a close family and my parents have a good marriage so I want the same thing for myself, but am scared of not finding it. :(

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