Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Seriously, what is your biggest fear?  I have had something on my mind lately so this post will be a little deeper than most of the recent ones.  I will be the first to admit, I am scared of a lot of ridiculous  things.  Everything from spiders, to snakes, to clowns (hate them).  But there is one thing that creeps into me that I can't get over...the thought of losing my husband. 

 I have written this before but I will say it again - there a lot of things I want in life (nice house, nice car, nice clothes, good job) but Drew is something I honestly need.  I know you can't go through your whole life worrying about things that you have no control over but this one specific fear often gets the best of me.  When you marry someone they should be your best friend and you should be able to overlook all of their faults and shortcomings to see what they are truly made of.  DP is all of this for me and it almost brings me to tears every time my mind leads me back to the fear of losing him.  I can't explain it so I hope that those of you who are married or have someone that you love very much (family member, friend, whoever) know what I am trying to say.  For me, this is the most unimaginable hurt that I hope I never have to experience.  In spite of all of this, I hope none of you ever hold back on loving someone.  Sometimes you love someone for the wrong reasons or at the wrong time, but it will make all the difference if you just do it anyway.  A lot of the time it won't work out and sometimes you will get your heart broken but trust me, in the end you will be so thankful for every experience in your life (good and bad).  I honestly believe in this.  I also know that many people who might read this will disagree with me, and that too, is so OK with me.  Love is different for everyone but this is the way it is for me.

My prayer is that I will put this in God's hands because I absolutely know that I am not in control of it.  It feels good to be honest even if no one really cares what you have to say.  Go out there and love today!

Disney Lied to Me

Wow! Time flies more than you can believe. I have been such a bad blogger…it has almost been a month since my last post. All of a sudden it is September and I don’t know what to do with myself. For some reason, more than usual, I am very excited for cooler weather. I found myself in Pottery Barn the other day checking out their Halloween stuff which is so unlike me. I have a hard time accepting any Halloween decorations at all anymore but I was so glad to see that Pottery Barn offered something different than the usual skeleton, fake blood and howling monster. In fact, I was at Garden Ridge Pottery as well and they were way ahead of the curve and already offering Christmas décor. Unbelievable!

Well, life for Drew and I has been so wonderful over the past month. I feel like we are getting past some of the early marriage struggles and really getting back to what it is all about. I think for a while there we were both so busy and stressed that we didn’t have a lot of time to really reflect on how blessed we were and how very much we loved each other. I have realized more and more that love, REAL LOVE, is not at all like a Disney movie or The Notebook and I for one, am so thankful for that. If love was that easy and that effortless how would anyone ever know how much they truly loved someone? For me at least, I know I love Drew with all of my heart, every day…but it is the times when that love is tested that I can really feel the power of what God wants love to be. It is bottomless, endless, precious…sometimes it is not easy but it always so very worth it. Drew and I are in a place where we feel really connected and I know we can get through anything that comes our way.

Now to jump to a more fun subject…my best friend, Jennifer, came to Houston this past weekend and we all had such a blast! We spent most of the weekend relaxing and shopping around but it was so good to see her. We laughed about old times and although it made me feel old when I realized those memories were so long ago, I remember all of it like it was yesterday. We ended up trying a new place in Sugar Land called Olive’s Martini Bar…it was awesome! They have upwards of 50 different martinis to choose from and it was a really cool place. You should definitely try it if you are in the area and want to do something a little different.

AND…I am so excited to FINALLY report that my sister-in-law, Ellie, had a beautiful baby boy. Porter Jacob Born arrived yesterday and weighed 9 lbs. 3 oz.!!! I have only seen him via picture through text but I can already tell how wonderfully handsome he is. I am so happy for their family and know that it will be a fabulous and busy time ahead.

Ok, so I’m back on the blog scene. I will do much better going forward, I promise! I haven’t even had a chance to read anyone else’s blogs recently so over the next few days, I have some catching up to do. Hope all of you have a fantastic week!!

Have No Fear....

“Even if your hands are shakin’, And your faith is broken,
Even as the eyes are closing, Do it with a heart wide open”

I am so proud of Drew. He is my inspiration….he lives with such a happy heart and an optimistic perspective, something I need more of in my life. He can make me laugh in the midst of my worst moments and reminds me constantly what it is to be loved unconditionally. I have no fear when it comes to him and no doubt that he will always be my safe place and point of encouragement. He has been wanting for something lately though…and I want more than anything for him to have it. He has a job much like many of us…it exists to pay the bills but there is no real passion behind it. Drew is very devoted to making it the best it can be but I can tell so easily it is not what he wants. He is one of lucky the ones….he has a talent so amazing that I believe it must be used and this is what I have been praying for everyday.

Drew is an artist at heart and his work is beautiful and the type that makes a person wish they could draw, paint, design, anything! I, for example, can only draw a stick figure and would never attempt anything past that. His degree is in the Arts field so he has spent many years perfecting his craft and I can see how happy it makes him when he is “creating.” We have been talking about this a lot lately and have both decided it is time for him to make the transition, take the jump if you will, toward a new career. It is scary at times to consider a change in any amount, but this time it will be worth it. I don’t know if he has decided on a particular path yet, but even the passion that he displays in talking about the next step inspires me. I worry about stability and having “enough” but when you think about it…God will provide. Now is the right time to start doing things with a heart wide open.

I look forward to the coming months when I can happily report about a new job for Drew. I know it will happen. Until then we will enjoy every minute of this journey and I will continue to be proud of him throughout.

Have no fear….do what you are passionate about and love those around you with all of your heart. It will make all the difference.

I Didn't Make Mac & Cheese...

I am dreaming of white sands and beautiful blue water today. I am at work and should definitely be working, and I have been, but all I can think of is getting to this beachy paradise. Next Friday I will be embarking on the infamous “family vacation” to Destin, Florida. I know for sure that it will be a complete blast but there are always those tiny thoughts that something could go terribly wrong. Nothing too terrible of course (as I pray for a safe drive and safe trip) just the usual events that arise due to having my brother Erik around. Erik is a rare breed…he can be completely hilarious one minute and then completely exhausting the next. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces, but he is surely a rare breed. Since the time I was about 13 or so he has been terrorizing me with events such as chasing me with ice picks when I wouldn’t make him macaroni and cheese or leaving ransom notes on the bathroom counter for me to read when I would get out of the shower. One time in particular the ransom note was held against my cat, which Erik had evilly locked in a duffle bag and shut in the closet for me to buy back. I have to admit that I did…I bought my cat back for $10 out of fear that Erik would kill him if I didn’t. How hilarious he thought he was. Looking back I am almost sure that he would never have hurt me (notice I say almost) but at the time I half-way hated him.

Things have changes since then though…he hasn’t tried to kill me or anything else in at least 6 years so I would say all is well. Haha. My little brother isn’t so little anymore as he recently decided to join the United States Army. I believe it is his mighty destiny; he is already so proud and that makes me happy. He caught all of us a little off guard with his decision but we are all very proud of our soldier-to-be and will always keep him in our prayers.

So back to the trip…this will be the first time I have seen Erik since Christmas. I am anxious to see how he has changed after the intense training he has been through lately. For those of you who know Erik, he has always been a slight beanpole…a cute little beanpole, but a beanpole nonetheless. The last pictures that I saw of him showed a different brother, a man almost. I was a little emotional thinking of how grown-up he is now; I am very much looking forward to seeing him for vacation. I think this will be the best family trip yet since Erik and I get along these days and because my sweet husband will be coming along. Another plus is that one our friends is stationed at the Air Force base in Destin so we will get to see him as well. It should be good. I can’t wait in fact…I have already started getting my stuff together to pack, I dream daily of Pina Coladas and for the first time I am overly excited about a family vacation. Destin or bust!

Timeline of "us"

As I write this, I am still not exactly sure what has inspired me to create a blog. I am certainly not exciting nor cool enough to document my daily life…but once in a while, every now and then, something happens that I think is worthy of writing down. Maybe I’m at a point in my life where I am ready to strip down to the basics. I’m not sure how but somewhere along the way I lost track of what is important to me…I think I blame college, but I haven’t decided on that yet. I recently figured out how important the difference is between wants and needs. I want a nice house, nice car, nice clothes…but I NEED God, my husband, my family and my friends. I experience a love everyday that I don’t give enough credit to….it keeps me alive, it makes me happy, it inspires me. It is a need…something that I prayed for my whole life…my husband. Now that I think of it, I think Drew P inspired me to keep track of our daily life (even if we aren’t cool enoughJ). I want a place that I can visit someday in the future that is kind of like a timeline of “us” – the good, the bad and the ugly – and also have a place that our friends and family can keep up with what we do and who we are becoming. In addition, I think I am nearing the age where you get “kicked out” by Facebook.